It's a necessary pain

This is where all those typical advice fail.
This is where all your hopes and dreams can be made.
Or be crushed.
This is where nothing is ever fair, and nothing is ever deserved or earned.
But somehow it's all a part of life and it makes it a little bit more meaningful.

My friend asked me to talk about love. Or just feels in general. And lemme tell you something. It. Sucks. A lot.

Today I'm gonna talk to you about a slut. Maybe that was a bit strong. About a particular person. Typically I don't care too much about dating and when I do, I often don't give myself the chance. Dating is weird. We open ourselves up, we hope to be liked or at least enjoyed by another person, then we do it again and again until our relationship deepens or until it fades away.

I'm not really that good at it, I mean I use clouds as an excuse to cuddle so I guess I'm not the best. But sometimes... just sometimes it works. You get close, you keep talking, you spend time together, then what? What are you now?

Here. Right here. This is the part that I don't like. It's almost like an ultimatum (because it is). In one hand you can keep going and have a DTR (define the relationship) and actually date, in the other hand it could stop and your friendship will most likely end. Or in my case, take the #weaksauce route and act like a friend. Diving into that forced platonic-ness with a smile. Gosh I love it here (sarcasm).

You know why I hate this part? Because it's crazy how fast things change and just how fast it can affect you. Two weeks ago, she's an ordinary girl who meant as much as a stranger, and now she's here with feels. It's crazy. Maybe at one point you only liked the person for their sense of humor, or a certain quirk, or maybe just their physical appearance. Then BAM! It hits you. Unlike some people who you can get over, these ones aren't like that at all.

They're pretty, and funny, and smart. Can lift all your thoughts and bring feeling back to your heart. Can talk about anything from poetry, to business, and the arts. Can make you a person better than you can ever believe. Or tear you apart farther than you can imagine.

Unlike other people or situations where you can take my #weaksauce way out, they'll force you to trust them, to care, to love... so if it ends... when it ends... you'll be more aware of the hole that that person left there.

But no matter what... that shouldn't be an excuse to close up your heart. Maybe I'm being naive or maybe I'm just too dumb or young or immature to understand it. But feels and love as sucky as it all is, isn't something anyone should give up on. Because no matter how dumb or young or immature anyone is, don't we all deserve love. It's the very best part of being alive. And once you find it... once I find it, it'll make life suck a little less.

And yeah you're probably still right! life and love and everything sucks. Yeah love hurts more often that it heals right now. But when you look at it, you only to succeed once.  I can fail. I can get dumped. I can be shut out and ghosted a million billion times. But if that one girl says yes. Or at least laughs at my stupid accounting jokes. Then at least I know there's something. At least I know there's a chance. I've got a chance.