The Longer Ones

Friday, June 30, 2017

Blog > Journal

Oh jeezum crow?!

I've been blogging so much lately, I haven't touched my journal in a while. Strange....
Anyway I'm back home now and missing my brother's track meet but that's okay because I'm cooking celebratory fried chicken for when he wins, or sympathy chicken for when he loses.

Life is so good right now. I'm part of the super duper secret club now and to be honest sometimes it literally feels itchy but I'm getting used to it. To be honest even though it was supposed to be secret and everything, I feel like I've done this before. Right in the middle I had a legitimate deja vu moment and I knew what was going to happen next, what I was supposed to wear, what I was supposed to do, it was really strange...

My parents thought I was going to be slow but I feel like I saw it all coming.
I wrote more in my journal, not on here, because some parts a lot of parts of this story is personal. I guess I'm going to be more secretive now mwahahaha

Wednesday, June 28, 2017


What we need. What we want. What we deserve.
Three things that gets mixed up in my life one way or another.

Oh umm by the way I'm talking about this because I said the word expectations when looking at Snapchat's new map thingamajig feature. How did I get these thoughts from that? I have no idea... my head just keeps going. Faster than my mouth if you can believe that.

Anyhoo back on topic.

Now of course, these things don't just affect me... they affect all of us. For example let's talk about people, feelings, and friendships. (I was going to talk about Snapchat to relate to how I got this idea but I'm still fairly annoyed at that feature so I'm using something else)

Friends. Do we choose them? In a way a little bit. We can always choose who to talk to first or which nerd to flirt with, but that's only the first few impressions. How come some of them get to stay?Maybe it's just me but it's feelings. Not necessarily romantic feelings but at least a sense of care or loyalty. To the ones who do stick around with my weirdness, they have the agency to leave whenever they want, but they're still here. They still care, no matter how much I try to forget some of them (different story), they do care about me and still talk to me. Maybe feelings wasn't the best word to use, but if it's not that then I honesty don't know what is... My point is, I don't get to decide who stays or who I remember. In high school I thought I'd only be friends with theatre nerds or future accountants, but that's not what happened at all. I kept talking and somehow I made the weirdest friends. And I don't regret it for a second, but I will admit that I didn't expect it at all.

Mission. I will admit that for 4 months I manipulated the Book of Mormon, prophetic revelations, and my own feelings to say that, "Heavenly Father does not love me and does not want me to serve a mission." A mission is not what I wanted. And although it's what I needed (and still need) I rejected any knowledge of that for a few months. It was so bad that this topic became taboo in my mind. Whenever it came up, I became angry. I was conflicted within myself and became obsessed with what I deserve. That I deserve to graduate early. That I deserve to be successful and I can do it without this mission. That I deserve to always follow my wants and needs above God's or anyone else's...

I became a selfish butt. And it took a bit to get me back. Whether it was something divine or just prioritizing and acknowledging what I need to do, I got back.

Last example: love. Remember that post a few weeks back that basically said what my type is? Well, this is a rebuttal. Let's refresh shall we? Most guys have very realistic expectations of what they want in a girl. For example girl for me is nerdy, cute, awesome, perfect, nice, sweet, charitable, (insert synonyms) I can go on... but like other guys we also acknowledge that this girl is taken, dead, or sees you as an attractive lump of potatoes. We think we're a gift but I promise, we're not. Naturally. So guess what? WE LOWER OUR EXPECTATIONS. Maybe it's just the realistic side of me talking but it's true that we need companionship, but often our wants doesn't align with what we get and that's okay! That doesn't make it bad. Because don't we all deserve love? Even in the days that aren't our best, it's what makes life worth living. So yeah, maybe I won't get the perfect girl, but that doesn't mean I won't fall for her anyway.

Expectations are so weird. One of my close friends came back from Europe and saw me as a different person. I guess I wasn't what she was expecting. Meeting me for the first time, each person probably has a different expectation for me too. But regardless of how you see me, it's still life. I'm still me. I know I'm weird. I know I've made mistakes. I know I've got flaws. I know I'm not perfect. But all the ups and downs will soon be worth it when I get there. And I'll get there.

Tuesday, June 27, 2017


The following are quotes my family or I have said in the process of moving back home from college for the summer.

Take it!
Leave me alone!
What the butts is this?
Why do I own 3 irons?
If I poop here, I don't have to poop in Nevada and Nevada sucks.
Guys we're Mormon #allwivesmatter
If I was an x-men I'd be Professor Xavier because I wanna be in a f***ing wheelchair
Look! more dirt.
Are we there yet?
According to my calculations, there's nothing here.
Hehe hehehe salt.
Shoot I think I forgot something!
Did they almost die?
I'm so done with your audiobook
Why does everyone here wear overalls?
Ahhh moo-bears (cows)
I think I just hit a bird...
Ahhh traffic, how I missed you
I have some really emo songs
Mom... can you pay for gas?
That's one sexy chicken
You smell that weed? that's how you know we're close
I'm home.

Sunday, June 25, 2017


OSH-JAY WHAT THE HELL (I'm hiding his real name... But lemme give you another hint, it rhymes with mosh)

So why am I bashing Mosh.... Well you see it's simple. Or simpler than the last few posts.

Story Time

Once upon a time an Asian Narwhal embarked on an adventure called college. College is a fun place with great opportunities for learning, discovering yourself, or in this case learning nothing at all. Usually other fun things happen in college, whether its meeting new friends, eating food, or having a friend play with my narwhal, college is a great exciting place! Unfortunately this story is not one of those things.

Going into this one university, I already knew it was fairly religious... just a tad. And that's okay! Every morning when I look in a mirror I always say, "Holy **** I'm a Narwhal," which means I'm a holy narwhal.
(I'm digressing)
Anyhoo in college we made a good group of friends. Some joined a bit late like this one redheaded dingus (digressing again) but it was still really fun. All of them were great friends and it was great when we were all physically there. But when people started to leave we realized something...
I really believe that some of them are extremely immature. And that's me saying that... the holy narwhal...

All Most of us are planning to go on missions and to the ones that don't, has a valid reason. They don't feel prompted to, they're not Mormon, they're against the whole mission thing, whatever. That's fine! I truly respect that. But one person in this group truly wants to, but his bishop (church leader) said no.

Let's talk about Mosh; i.e. osh-jay, this dingus, *cough cough* JOSH *cough cough*. His bishop did not want him to go because he believes that Mosh is too immature (and weaksauce). And quite frankly I have to agree. It's not that he's really bad or a bad person or anything, but he can't handle or tolerate any beliefs contrary to his own. Whenever it's a mature conversation, or a slightly crude one, or one about other beliefs, he leaves. In his defense, I do understand that there are times when it gets a bit uncomfortable and so he's just trying to play it safe, but I don't think that's an excuse to banish all other thought.

One time during spring he came to me and said no one was talking to him, like he was a pariah. But to be honest, wasn't that how he was treating us? The moment one of us talked about something contrary, we removed himself (very dramatically) from our groupchat.

Another friend in the group, he's a bit of an antimormon or jackmormon but he's smart about it so I like him, asked me why Mormons do this all the time. Why do we hide in a bubble? How we act, how we treat other people, how we perceive the world... To him, it was almost like brainwashing because the moment a guy like Mosh goes out in the real world, he can't function. It as if, he was made to work only in that bubble. How are we expected to preach and baptize the world, if we don't even try to understand who we're baptizing?

**deep sigh sound** (I don't know how to write that sound)

We do our best to spread some good news... a good message... but how is it going to be effective if no one thinks it's real... how is it going to change people's lives for the better, if all we're teaching them to do is to be more socially awkward. Sometimes I wonder if our "cult"ure is actually helping. And overall I think it is. But not like this. Not by running away from sin. Not by running away from opposing beliefs. Because, that's why opposition is here. It's to help us grow, and learn, and be closer to the people around us, to teach us about us. This is why Adam fell... for us to learn and improve and evolve isn't it? So why are we holding ourselves back like this? We need to learn to honor our beliefs without degrading theirs.

So let's keep on learning.

Dare to fight your fears.
Dare to stand strong.
Dare to learn more.
Dare to be yourself.
Dare to stand alone.

And to bring back that Millennial mood, dare to be better than #weaksauce.

Saturday, June 24, 2017


I hate censorship. I really do. Censorship suppresses the natural thought of every writer. And though secrets are a natural thing to have (especially as we grow up), I don't growing up should be an excuse to hide. If anything, isn't growing a reason to be more honest or more direct with others and yourself?

But I'm human and I'm a hypocrite too.

There are 2 or 3 fairly sensitive topics on this blog that I'm removing. Not because I've changed my beliefs on them, but because they can cause a fair amount of sadness and doubt.


But that's why I'm giving you the following option. If you would like to read them, just email my work email and I'll send those posts happily.
  • BYU I Do
  • Polygamy should be legal. No it's not because I'm Mormon
  • Love and Objectification
These three posts have been removed and won't come back anytime soon (sorry not sorry). I do feel really bad about this because I took time to write these. I did my best and I wrote down what I believe is best at the time, and what I still believe now.

Looking back at these posts do make me feel a bit nostalgic, and although I believe that all stories are meant to be said... I suppose some stories aren't meant to be heard.  

Am I happy?

A friend asked me that question a little while ago.

Maybe I'm doubting this too much. Or maybe it's just boredom, existential thought, puberty, and awkwardness melding together to make a giant blob of me.

What's the problem?

I'm fine. I'm good. Life is together.
I have a family, I have a plan, I have a bed, I have a future. I have a mission.
Is there anything else I need?

I know I'm doing the right thing but sometimes I wonder if it's what I truly want.
You see as much as I love it, my biggest problem is you.
I want to please you....
I want to honor you....
I want to serve you.... But I need to be true to myself.
I want to give you what you deserve.... But I want to say what I think.

A part of me loves you.
A part of me hates you.
A part of me needs you.
A part of me fears you.

And honestly sometimes... I don't know if I can handle it.
I'm 19 and I'm a dork and I don't know if I can handle it right now.
I don't know if I'm ready for it at all.

But I have to go. I know I'll never be ready so I might as well just go.

"I don't know if I can handle this right now" -missionary confessions

After our conversation we hugged and she laughed a little bit. Watching as I give something I cannot give myself.

Friday, June 23, 2017

One Day You Will:

See me again.
Come back.
Hear my voice.
Be proud.
Laugh at me.
Hike the mountains.
Show me the stars.
Teach me to climb.
Share your soul.
Listen to it all.
Speak with confidence.
Hold him again.
Simply rest.

An audience.

You know I could write something right now to satisfy an audience. Or to perform and feel satisfied about what I'm saying or what I believe. Then again, all I know are my beliefs and what I think other people believe.
Nah I'm too tired for this. Screw the audience I need sleep. Goodnight.

Thursday, June 15, 2017

Turn it off

"Like a light switch. Just go 'click!'
It's a cool little Mormon trick!
Turn it off. Turn it off!" -Book of Mormon the Musical

This quote is from the Book of Mormon the Musical and it focuses on LDS (Mormon) attitudes on homosexual feelings; that the best way to handle homosexuality is by simply turning it off.

No I am not gay. My purpose right now isn't to reveal some underlying sexuality or anything like that. I'm here to show the similarity of that quote with our views on platonic friendships or to find peace in being a platonic friendship.

Question: do platonic relationships exist?

Before I start I need to define what this means, just in case. Platonic describes a relationship that is purely spiritual and not physical. If a boy and a girl hangs out all the time and are not dating, or does not have an intimate physical aspect, then they'd describe their relationship as platonic.
They do exist! It's a bit rare but imagine being in the friend-zone and being happy to be there. That's what being platonic is all about. I only know of a few existing right now and to be honest, even then it's not that perfect sometimes.

Follow-up Question: how do they form?

I can think of 3 ways that they can form. Either it was natural, it took some time, or it was forced by one of them. It was natural. There are some people that I meet who I just have no physical feelings for whatsoever. They may be pretty cute or even the perfect girl but somehow any physical aspect becomes so taboo it's avoided like those inherently evil crimes such as incest. And because of that they will always be just a friend, no matter what.
There are some platonic relationships that simply took their time. Maybe I had feelings for her or vice versa but over time it just disappeared. And that's not wrong or anything. It happens. Sometimes though it's because someone was rejected. Lemme tell you a story. Imagine a boy named Wilson asked Ari on a date. Ari, believing it was an innocent friend date, agrees. On the other hand, Wilson is actually in love with Ari for their whole friendship. During the date Wilson admits to his feelings and Ari does not reciprocate. At this point they have a choice... to either end their friendship due to complications and sheer awkwardness, or to make it platonic (or at least visually platonic) to continue the friendship.

Follow-up Question: do you want platonic relationships to exist?

Sometimes yes. Almost exclusively this happens when it's forced. In the last few months I've had a few opportunities to date around or to form an actual deep relationship. To be honest, I would love to do that. I wouldn't mind dating my friend and quite frankly I really miss cuddling. But I know I can't. My focus shouldn't be on girls... it should be on academics or on serving others. I can't have my mind in the gutter and hope to love or marry a girl (who let's be real is waaaaaaaayyyy out of my league). Maybe later... but it's not the right time...

So I turned it off... I told myself to keep it platonic. I'm doing my best to avoid flirting and if I do, I'll apologize. I know I'm not perfect and I might slip up... but I can't stop now. My calling isn't to serve with the intention to marry whoever's writing to me. My calling is to serve selflessly and by sacrificing those other worldly things. So I tell myself to keep it that way. That if I do form feelings for someone, I just need to remind myself that "it's best that I'm alone," or "it's not your time yet," or "your emotional needs are not as important as the needs of others."

"Isn't that a bit harsh?" -an old friend

Yeah... you can argue that hiding what you actually feel is unhealthy. You can argue that what I'm doing is wrong. You can argue that I'm only hurting myself. You can argue that sacrificing your personal needs are just too much...

But somehow... It'll all workout. Even if it's not something I fully want to do. Letting go of what I emotionally want is what I need to do right now...

Besides... it's not like there's another option anyway.

It's not what you want. It's not what you deserve. But it's what you need to do.

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

What should define you?

First of all. I think it's ironic that this post has two labels at the bottom.

Anyway. Existential crisis time. Who are you?

It's a simple question. You say your name, they give theirs, and you proceed to move on with your day. But who are you really?

You could tell me your GPA or major or ACT or purity test number or any other number you think will define you. You could also tell me your dreams and aspirations. You could tell me about your parents or religion and what they want you to be. Or become the guy that that one girl in your calculus class may fall for. Or maybe even by your favorite pizza. Personally I see myself as a Sicilian pizza. But whatever you choose to do, don't ever forget that it's your choice and you can change it if you want.

I don't think identity is something other people should define for you. It's something that you come to know for yourself. Whether it's on a service trip or in school or on a date, we make the choice of deciding who we are. Because contrary to popular belief (at least in religion), you can decide what truly has meaning in your life.

Yes it's true you can make it religion, but it doesn't have to be one singular topic. It can be dance with accounting and climbing and so many other things. But don't be something else just to satisfy others.

When I was little and even now, my ward saw me as the perfect boy in my ward (church congregation). Did everything I had to do, passed everything, extremely social, highly academic, and even though all of those factors were there, I was not happy. Was it a good life? Yes of course! But that's not the same thing. And when I finally committed a mistake or wrongdoing I punished at a higher level. But I didn't let that get to me. Sure I can go to the default setting of my depression, or feel pathetic about the things I've done wrong. But I won't let that be me. It's true that these beautiful mistakes helped create me, but I still have the choice to see myself as something more. To allow my clarity or good acts define me.


Because the more that we mature and grow up, your identity becomes infinitely more important. I mean if you don't even know yourself, how do you expect someone else to know who you are? Take it a step further. If you can't love yourself or feel confident in yourself, then why are you expecting that girl or boy to feel different.

Of course there are times when they probably don't even care. In fact, depending on the person it can be quite the opposite. I know in my life I've had times when I had to decide whether I should pursue a girl or just be myself. Because too often, they conflict with one another.


But you know what? No matter what identity you decide or stick to in the end, as long as you're happy with who you are, then is there anything more to ask for? For the significant maybes and lost opportunity costs, it's okay. There are always more to come and it's best to stay optimistic. Don't ruin a friendship because it didn't work out. Make new memories. Do something crazy. Because in the end, when we forget all that there is, when their names seem like a dream, we'll only remember how it feels.

Monday, June 12, 2017

More stories to tell

It's a very human feeling. I'm sure everyone at one point or another has felt loss. Whether it's a simple goodbye or the last time you ever a friend, it has happened or will soon happen.

Why am I blogging about this...

Oh yes. Missionary life, college, choosing to leave. Yeah. I remember.
I moved a few times in my life. Sometimes I didn't care because I was too young, and sometimes it really hurt me a lot. For example I remember watching inside out and bawling because I remembered moving from Minnesota to the Bay Area.

To be honest though... I think that's why I'm so happy. Why I love talking and making and impression on people. I leave often enough that I'm just scared that my conversation with you will be my last (or at least for a long while) so I might as well make it worth it with what little time I have left (;

In 46 days I will leave on my mission. Unlike the past few times I moved, this time it's my choice. I am choosing to leave everything behind, to serve, and to do what I believe is right.

I know a fair amount of my friends were against me serving. Hell. I was against serving a mission for a while. But after a while, it's something that I've come to know to be true.

I'm done being a bitch to revelation. I'm done rejecting what's right in front of me. I need to accept what's going on and be happy. And I am. This mission is something I want to do.

I know I'm not the perfect guy, nor the perfect Mormon boy. Looking back I swore twice just in this post (I'll cross it out). But I need to say that even though I am choosing to leave my life for two years, that does not mean I'm doing it with blind faith. I know I'm leaving my friends behind and to be honest I am struggling with it (as most missionaries do).

I can already imagine missing my mom and my family and all my friends. I'll be gone. But that's alright. Because one day, whether it's a day after I leave or 6 months from now, you'll smile and I'll know that you're still happy. That you'll always find the strength to move on.

Besides while everyone's doing their own thing, I'll be in the Philippines. And somehow somewhere, I'll do something stupid as always, hoping to find more stories to tell.

Saturday, June 10, 2017

More normal

So I failed my first midterm today.

I always made fun of Grayson for school. Nothing too bad of course! Just friendly sarcasm whenever he gets an okay grade...

And then I tell him I got 100% in accounting or something along those lines, at which point he yells at me saying.

"FRICK YOU!" (Wait... did he say frick or another word.... I can't remember)

Anyway... academic wise I think he admired my work ethic. Even though I hung out with friends until 6:30A.M. every other day, I was the one able to sustain multiple jobs, maybe an internship, and a little bit more credits than normal.

And you know I respect him too. He's a really smart guy in some topics like environment and cars.

But because of this admiration I think he saw me as an insane nerd. Until today (well... technically yesterday).

I failed my first midterm test today. It never happened to me before and you know it's pretty humbling.

I guess this makes me more normal.

Missionaries: A Confession on their Lives.

Early to bed.
Early to rise.
Grumpy prayers.
Random partners.
New investigators.
Work. Hard work.

The life of a missionary.

You know I'm not even a missionary yet. I really don't know what it would even feel like, so I'm probably not the best person to describe it.

I'm very excited to be honest. A lot of food, fun times to come, and more stories to tell. Whenever you ask a missionary about their 2 year service experience they always tell you the good about it.
"Totally worth it!"
"It was a life-changing experience"
But let's be real... Being a missionary doesn't make us perfect. Maybe more obligations and more responsibilities... but not perfect. Bad things still happen. We still get sick. Some of us die. We have terrible days too.

Things are bound to happen. Whether it's accidentally taking a dump in your pants (which happens... apparently), or falling in love with an investigator. Things happen. We're not perfect.

Luckily.... we don't have to be.
As long as we try.
A little bit harder.
And just be willing.
To say one word.

Wednesday, June 7, 2017

What do I look for?

A few days ago I talked to an old friend and she asked me what do I look for in a girl? She wasn't interested in me or anything, she was simply curious because she's afraid that she's stuck in the friendzone.

Personally I kinda like the friendzone sometimes. It makes for some quality late-night talks.

WAIT A MINUTE. HOLD ON.... I'm going on a two year lent... why am I even talking about this?
Oh wait... I remember... my buddy o'friend o'pal Elizabeth told me to write about love.

Anyhoo let's keep going. I kept talking to my old friend and to be honest I can't remember the entire conversation. All I fully remember was finishing my dialogue and seeing a tear roll down her face. She gave me a hug and told me, "that was beautiful."

Now it's about three weeks later and I think I finally remember what I said (or at least something close to what I said).

Disclaimer: This list is a prototype dream girl list, and to be honest I highly doubt this will ever happen in my life. If it does happen though... HOLY GEE DANG!?

1. Likes/loves me, or simply appreciates my presence. This one is probably the most important. To at least have the ability to tolerate me in my best AND worse time. This requirement isn't just for being a lover, it's also for just being a friend. I want to be able to be myself... and as strange as I may be sometimes, it would be great if they can handle my weirdness about half the time haha.

2. Cute/looks okay. As perfect as I try to be, I'm still human. And a part of my human self is slightly superficial. In the past I have liked and/or dated the following: European mixed (blonde, brunette, and redhead), Latina, Indian, Asian. Basically... I don't care too much about race.

3. Can hold a conversation. One of my favorite activities are taking long walks/drives. It's a great way to know myself, the people I'm with, and the place I'm in. However, if there's no conversation going on at all, then it's just awkward silence. Of course there's reasonable silences, but I don't want to make it awkward. I want to be able to know her and just have a good quality talk.

4. Intelligent/clever/witty. All three, or a combination of the three. In my life I value education and organization as the recipe to being a successful person. Without it, a person's life becomes dependent and can fall apart easily. Strive to keep learning or to at least do something more with the day.... and it's kinda hard to keep up sometimes but it's okay. With these new information, it's important to be open-minded yet skeptical of the truth, and though it's hard, it can also be quite fun to learn. I want to be able to talk about a complex or strange topic and not slowing down for definitions or other unnecessary considerations.

5. Sacrifice. This attribute is specifically from my parents. Both of my parents are engineers. Did they always dream of becoming engineers? Most likely not. But as they matured it's the career path that they realized will help them the most in life. Though I also value happiness and being happy, I personally value women who are willing to sacrifice some of their goals for what needs to be done or for what is more productive. Not the one who choose the easy way out, but the woman who intentionally chooses the harder path because it will help her become stronger. To all the female accountants. To all the female engineers. To all the female doctors and lawyers and other professionals. To all those who sacrificed what they want for what they need, I salute you.

6. Self-worth and confidence. Even if this person doesn't satisfy everything else above, just being happy for who you are is one of the hardest morals to learn in life. Having the confidence to being yourself and being you is brilliant. You're a character. You're special. You're the only you in the world, so be yourself and be proud.

7. Kindness, Respect, and Charity. This one doesn't need any explanation.

I told her all of this or at least a paraphrased version of this and a tear came down. She asked if I ever dated or had a crush on any girl who had these qualities. I answered yes... to almost all of them. I'm skipping the rest of this conversation. We both said our goodbyes and I went to bed.

Before you comment or anything like that, I'm writing this at 2:01AM... please forgive my grammar and writing. Also these are not in any order of importance.

Tuesday, June 6, 2017

On the bright side

I am more independent now than I have ever been before.

It's a bit daunting but in fairness I'm really getting used to the whole independence thing. I am able to hang out with friends whenever I want, do homework whenever I want, and although I'm in college, college is not restricting like high school and feels very optional.

With all this independence comes great responsibility time. It is our most valuable resource. When someone is thrown in this environment, you have the ultimate freedom to choose how to spend your time. No matter how much of an adult or a college student you are, time is extremely valuable. The fact that there is not enough time in your day is clearer than ever before.

Because of this, I know who my real friends are. Because of this, I know which classes are most important to me. Because of this, I am able to know more about myself. I now know where my greatest priorities lie, where my desires are, and what I need to do at all times.

One of the best lessons I learned from my major—accounting—is how to properly budget. Whether it's an operational budget or a food budget, it must always add up and we must do our best to stick with this budget (otherwise you'll get some overapplied and underapplied problems). When we think of budgeting we often think of money, but in this case I want to reference time.

How to budget your time. Right now, it is 2:27AM and I have school in the morning. However, because I know my schedule really well and have adapted to survive under stress, I believe it is reasonable. I am fully aware I am sacrificing sleep, but I am doing it for the benefit of sharing this message. In our lives there will always be too little time. There's too many people or too much work or too much obligations... so in response, we must budget efficiently.

It's hard. It really is... I haven't written on this blog for about 2 months... But I need to get back in the habit of doing so. Sometimes we do need to let go of people or dreams that are too big to accomplish. And that's okay. Sure it's tough, but necessary to keep on going.

Though sometimes it's sad, I favor this method because it helps me know myself. I know how to study. I know how to be successful. I know how to finish projects and resolutions and contracts and papers and any deliverable you put in front of me. I know how much sleep I'll need to function, and most of all... I know myself.

Spring term


It's unnecessarily hard, accelerated classes that hurts my soul. But if it's such a big mistake then why did I choose to take it?

It's quite simple. I'm a nerd. Last semester I SUCCEEDED in taking the maximum credit hours, 2 jobs, and an internship. And I succeeded with my highest overall GPA. I was really proud of myself, I still am. Unfortunately, this pride has caused me to take on a terrible mistake.

Spring term.

During spring term I can only take half the maximum credit count (9 credits), which is perfect for taking 3 classes. So naturally, I took 3 classes.

It's not that I chose hard classes... It's that I chose the 3 classes I know my eldest sister struggled in, and decided, "what the hell, let's go!"

Instead of having 3-4 months to digest these classes, I only have 6 weeks to finish. There's 2 weeks left in the term and I am collapsing, busy, and losing motivation. To be honest, I just want to leave and go to the Philippines. If I didn't take spring term, I would be home relaxing and then going to Hawaii...

Ahhh the opportunity costs... But you know what? that's the sacrifice.

In the next 2 years I will sacrifice a lot. (Technically the entire 2 years is a sacrifice). It's doing the service. It's working for the benefit of everyone around you. It's working without the expectation for a return or immediate return. And I'm proud that I will have the opportunity to go serve. But for now, while I waste time in my room, I'll write and write and finish what I started.