So a lot of stuff happened this week. Lemme tell you about it.
Last thursday I had an existential crisis. I was thinking about all I've done as a missionary and I had a question burn in my head, "Have I done enough?" and then it led to, "Have I done anything of worth in my time here?"
From there my thoughts spiraled and spiraled. I work hard and I do my best but then I worry. of the thousands of appointments I've set, of the 56 I've baptized, of the people that I cared about and loved. Did I really help them? have I changed their lives? did they really change? are they still going to church now? am I just a fad?
I came home feeling a little discouraged. I knew I worked as hard as I can but I can't help but feel like what I've done isn't enough. Then Elder Holman gave me a surprise saying we were invited to a fun run about building forever families (hence BFF). I said sure and I got a little bit excited and then we went.
"That's a lot of members!!! wow I didn't know we had this many members!! no wonder we're building a lot of temples here!!"
"is that? oh it is!!"
and then I saw them. My recent converts. They're active. They still go to activities, they have friends!! then I saw a family we reactivated. then I saw my previous bishops. and fetch if only you could've seen their face. So much joy. and love. and acceptance. I've seen them and i sat with them in their darkest point, I've seen their families fall apart and now they are on their way to be together forever. I saw people who's lives have been changed by the Gospel and I am proud that Heavenly Father is able to use all of us as His instrument in producing good in the world. I'm so happy to be here.
We ran a 5K . Made some new friends. Taught some new people. So many times last Saturday I saw people I've taught and helped and served for and how great is the work of God. God is good. He wants us to be happy. And I'm so happy. I can't even explain it.