I've been meaning to write for a while now. I know it's been years since I put something down that was actually meaningful, that actually sounds like me talking, that actually sounds like it wasn't a repetition of what other people wanted to hear.
I guess I just didn't know where to start writing. I guess for a while, I chose to forget about this part of myself and I got scared. I got scared that I won't recognize who I am now. I'm scared that if who I was saw who I am now, I'm scared that he would be disappointed. I'm scared that I made a big mistake. I'm scared of something that happened a couple months ago.
I had some thoughts. Some bad thoughts. Some really really dark thoughts and I couldn't run away.
They're gone now of course, but they were terrifying. I've never felt so trapped and alone and sad like that before and I just hope it doesn't come back.
I hope that writing again will make sure those thoughts won't come back.