Expectations.

What we need. What we want. What we deserve.
Three things that gets mixed up in my life one way or another.

Oh umm by the way I'm talking about this because I said the word expectations when looking at Snapchat's new map thingamajig feature. How did I get these thoughts from that? I have no idea... my head just keeps going. Faster than my mouth if you can believe that.

Anyhoo back on topic.

Now of course, these things don't just affect me... they affect all of us. For example let's talk about people, feelings, and friendships. (I was going to talk about Snapchat to relate to how I got this idea but I'm still fairly annoyed at that feature so I'm using something else)

Friends. Do we choose them? In a way a little bit. We can always choose who to talk to first or which nerd to flirt with, but that's only the first few impressions. How come some of them get to stay?Maybe it's just me but it's feelings. Not necessarily romantic feelings but at least a sense of care or loyalty. To the ones who do stick around with my weirdness, they have the agency to leave whenever they want, but they're still here. They still care, no matter how much I try to forget some of them (different story), they do care about me and still talk to me. Maybe feelings wasn't the best word to use, but if it's not that then I honesty don't know what is... My point is, I don't get to decide who stays or who I remember. In high school I thought I'd only be friends with theatre nerds or future accountants, but that's not what happened at all. I kept talking and somehow I made the weirdest friends. And I don't regret it for a second, but I will admit that I didn't expect it at all.

Mission. I will admit that for 4 months I manipulated the Book of Mormon, prophetic revelations, and my own feelings to say that, "Heavenly Father does not love me and does not want me to serve a mission." A mission is not what I wanted. And although it's what I needed (and still need) I rejected any knowledge of that for a few months. It was so bad that this topic became taboo in my mind. Whenever it came up, I became angry. I was conflicted within myself and became obsessed with what I deserve. That I deserve to graduate early. That I deserve to be successful and I can do it without this mission. That I deserve to always follow my wants and needs above God's or anyone else's...

I became a selfish butt. And it took a bit to get me back. Whether it was something divine or just prioritizing and acknowledging what I need to do, I got back.

Last example: love. Remember that post a few weeks back that basically said what my type is? Well, this is a rebuttal. Let's refresh shall we? Most guys have very realistic expectations of what they want in a girl. For example girl for me is nerdy, cute, awesome, perfect, nice, sweet, charitable, (insert synonyms) I can go on... but like other guys we also acknowledge that this girl is taken, dead, or sees you as an attractive lump of potatoes. We think we're a gift but I promise, we're not. Naturally. So guess what? WE LOWER OUR EXPECTATIONS. Maybe it's just the realistic side of me talking but it's true that we need companionship, but often our wants doesn't align with what we get and that's okay! That doesn't make it bad. Because don't we all deserve love? Even in the days that aren't our best, it's what makes life worth living. So yeah, maybe I won't get the perfect girl, but that doesn't mean I won't fall for her anyway.

Expectations are so weird. One of my close friends came back from Europe and saw me as a different person. I guess I wasn't what she was expecting. Meeting me for the first time, each person probably has a different expectation for me too. But regardless of how you see me, it's still life. I'm still me. I know I'm weird. I know I've made mistakes. I know I've got flaws. I know I'm not perfect. But all the ups and downs will soon be worth it when I get there. And I'll get there.