At church today I had some alone time. Not too long of course, but just enough to ponder about a quick story.
Usually whenever I talk about someone new they always sound so amazing. Whoever they are, they give me a few details here and there to describe someone you may imagine then fill in the blanks with someone I love or someone who is more than they are. I don't try to do this or intentionally do this, but I guess I just see them optimistically as a more perfect person. Filling in the blanks to become someone I want to be around or someone I love.
And at times... like all young adults, it leads one to do stupid things.
One time in college I had a minicrush on this one girl. Barely knew her. And by barely I mean I had probably 10 fifteen minute conversations with her or something like that, and I invited her to go on a picnic with me. She said sure and I was really excited. I wrote a note on my journal and my calendar and I was ready to have an awesome picnic.
When the day finally came I got a cute basket, a blanket, and a movie ready and waited outside her apartment building. But she never arrived.
I stared at a tree and was confused with what to do. A few friends walked by and said hi but left as quickly as they arrived. Soon enough I stared at this tree and was angry for a little while.
"Where is she?"
"I'm such an idiot!"
"It's really cold out here"
But angry thoughts won't really get you anywhere. I stopped and knelt down for a prayer.
I don't remember actually finishing that prayer. The next thing I remembered I woke up under the same tree wondering what had happened. First sudden chills went through me but not a minute later I felt good. Maybe not good about being stood up but good because I never really felt alone.
The reason why I talk about this is because I feel like people might perceive my life as perfect or going well and that's not entirely true. I have my own struggles and shortcomings, and though I don't really talk about it, doesn't mean bad experiences are not there (like being stood up). Regardless of what's going on, it's not going to change my belief that life is good. That while at times we may feel lost or confused or just staring blankly at the stars... there is someone there for us, and it is possible to keep going and move on. Sure in that night, the one I was waiting for did not arrive, but I never stopped feeling the Spirit's promptings that life is good.
Yeah life sucks and it's hard at times but if we choose to not focus on ourselves. If we look at that bigger picture, choose to endure past the struggles, and having faith for what seems like something unachievable, then we can become the people we want to be. The person that God knows we can be.
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