When I came home I knew full well that I'm going to disappoint a lot of people. But I never really realized the emotional aspect of it all until it actually happens.
I have no doubt that the right decision was made. However, I never realized how awkward and hard it is to tell the truth... to well a lot of people. At church or at work or whenever I see/talk to any of my friends and family really.
Adjustment hurts a bit. It hurts a lot. Usually when a missionary comes home it's... well happier. But I just can't stop feeling like I failed. Like this isn't where I'm meant to be, that I've hurt so many people, and by coming back I've effectively alienated my friends. Or at least made it so awkward that I can't talk to them like I used to.
The best two years. Errr the best month. And it was really good. I loved it a lot! Though it was painful and hard, it was worth it and I'm proud to have served no matter how short it was. But it hurts to talk about..
It's like the one topic I want to talk about, that one topic I'm most proud of, is also the one topic I'm most ashamed of. I pray it'll get better. It has to.